


The Sorting

by CJCroen1393



Series: Eddsworld at Hogwarts [1]
Category: Crash Zoom (Cartoon), Eddsworld - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts House Sorting Ceremony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 22:16:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20731538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: When Edd and his friends were on their way to Hogwarts, they promised each other that they'd all be in the same House.This didn't go as planned.





	The Sorting

**Author's Note:**

> This is a plot bunny that refuses to leave me alone. So I wrote it out! There will be more where this came from too, which hopefully won't interfere too much with my other Eddsworld fic!
> 
> If you follow me on DeviantArt and Tumblr, you probably already know about this. One day I remembered "Hey, the Eddsworld cast actually lives in the UK, why not do a Hogwarts AU for them?"
> 
> ...This ended up exploding out of control and I am getting a little obsessed with it. I kinda wanna turn it into an ask blog, tbh, but the problem there is the fact that I'd need to make a new email to put into a Tumblr account. Idk, you guys have any suggestions?
> 
> Enjoy the story! I hope to finish another one and also continue with Welcome Home Tord! And maybe another fic (but the identity of that one is a surprise ;P)!

Being accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was something Edd Gold couldn't be more excited about!

All his life, Edd had lived in a world of magic that he worried he'd never be a part of. His friend Matt could change shape, an ability he called "being a Metamorphmagus". His friend Tom had pitch black eyes, inherited from his mother; Edd didn't know the magical significance of this, and honestly Tom didn't either, but Edd always thought it was cool. And Tord? Well, no one quite knew what Tord was capable of, and that scared his friends and family. But Edd still saw him as a close friend.

After having learned about his best friends' magical skills, Edd, who long believed he was just an ordinary non-magical person like his family (except his older sister, who was a witch), had wanted nothing more than to join them in the magical world. And sure enough, when his mother discovered his aptitude for drawing pictures that could move on their own, they discovered that he was, in fact, a wizard himself, just like his friends. Not long after, the family got a visit from Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, who explained the whole thing.

Next thing Edd knew, he was taking a trip with all four of his friends to Diagon Alley, getting all his books, his wand, a cat who he named Ringo, and soon enough was completely prepared for his first year of schooling in the ways of magic! 

Edd, Tom, Matt and Tord had all made an agreement on their way to the school: They would all end up in the same Hogwarts House.

\----

The boys got to the school, floated to the castle with the other students across the lake. After entering the castle, they looked around.

"Man, it's even bigger than I thought!" said Edd, happily.

"Yeah, I guess," said Tom, adjusting the sunglasses he used to cover up his pitch-black eyes.

"I wonder if we'll meet a ghost!" said Matt.

Tord just chuckled.

"Well, well, well..."

Edd turned around to see...

"_Eduardooooo..._" Edd growled, angrily, whilst clenching his fist.

Eduardo was Edd's rival, who had teased him a lot before he found out he was a wizard...and also after that...and also at Diagon Alley...and at Kings Cross Station and Platform 9 and three quarters...he basically never quit. 

He was taller than Edd, had brown hair and he had a mustache...somehow. He had some other kids flanking him; a short boy with a clean haircut and beady eyes; a blond boy with a cleft chin; and a smiling girl with blue hair.

"Check it out, guys," he said, "the losers have made it to Hogwarts!"

"What's it to you, Eduardo?" said Tom, crossing his arms.

"Ooh, nice comeback! You stay up all night comin' up with that one?"

Matt just shrugged and nudged Edd away. Tom grumbled angrily, Tord smirked, looking ready to fight Eduardo.

"Everyone, everyone, attention!" said a voice, prompting everyone to turn to see a blond man wearing what appeared to be a gardening outfit. Edd could hear whispers of "Oh my god, it's him!" and "Neville Longbottom!" and "One of the Heroes of Hogwarts!"

"Hello, first years," said the man, "my name is Professor Neville Longbottom, apprentice Herbology teacher. The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The houses are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin."

Edd looked at his friends happily, remembering the promise they all made together.

"The Sorting is a very important ceremony," Professor Longbottom went on, "because while you're here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. This way, please."

The massive doors opened up and the first years all entered as Professor Longbottom led them in. There were multiple students seated in the four massive tables, which had banners hanging over them, each with the image of an animal, stylized to look like a letter; the far left had a crimson banner with a golden lion shaped like a "G"; the table next to it had a blue banner with a bronze eagle shaped like an "R"; the table next to that had a green banner with a silver snake shaped like an "S"; and the last table had a yellow banner with a black badger shaped like an "H".

Edd looked up at the large staff table. Sure enough, he saw Headmistress McGonagall seated in the very large, throne-like headmaster's chair in the center. Various professors were flanking her and Professor Longbottom stepped into view with a smile, holding up a dusty, patchy hat with some scorch marks on it, which Edd knew from Tom's explanation was the thing that would sort them into the various houses.

Sure enough, he got confirmation when the hat started singing.

Edd paid little attention to the song and instead just waited for Professor Longbottom to stand up again, holding up a long scroll.

"Now," said Professor Longbottom, after the Hat finished its song, "when I call your names, you will be seated on this chair and I'll place the Sorting Hat on your head and you shall be sorted into your house. Bowley, Jonathan!"

Edd caught sight of Jon, trembling nervously as he stood next to Eduardo. Eduardo just rolled his eyes and pushed him forward. Jon sat down on the stool and the hat was placed on his head, basically swamping his entire face and shoulders. The Hat swiftly called out "HUFFLEPUFF!"

Jon looked relieved in any case and headed over to the Hufflepuff table to the sound of happy cheering. Eduardo rolled his eyes.

"Great," Edd heard Eduardo say, "should've known he'd end up in the house of forgotten losers. Hey, Edd, maybe you'll end up in that one!"

Edd glared at him. Matt chuckled and said "Don't worry Edd, Hufflepuff isn't so bad!"

"Charbonneau, Hellucard!"

A boy with pale blond hair looked around, seemingly distracted. Professor Longbottom yelled his name more loudly next, prompting Hellucard to finally head up to the stool. This sorting took a little bit longer, but eventually the Hat shouted "HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Two Hufflepuffs in a row?" asked Tord.

"De Vries, Paul!"

A somewhat familiar looking boy with very impressive-looking eyebrows stood up and sat upon the stool. The Hat was on his head for a few minutes before calling out "SLYTHERIN!"

This continued for a while.

"Deino, Yanov!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Dexter, Ben!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Dubicki, Patryck!"

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Elkin, Laurel!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Fox, Coco!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Gold, Edward!"

Edd smiled happily as he stood up and headed over to the stool himself. When the Hat was placed on his head, Edd was immediately unnerved to hear its voice in his mind.

"Ah," said the Hat, "I see a strong desire for adventure in you!"

"Uhh," thought Edd, nervously, "yes, I have that!"

"Adventurous...good humored...willing to do the right thing..."

Edd was unsure of what to say now; he knew this was all true, of course, but now the Hat sounded like it was talking to itself rather than him.

"Well then...I'd say you are..."

The Hat finally spoke aloud: "GRYFFINDOR!"

Edd smiled and headed to the Gryffindor table happily, high fiving Matt as he passed him. After a boy named "Gran, Joe" was sorted next (ending up in Ravenclaw), Edd got excited as he heard Professor Longbottom call out "Hardwick, Matthew!"

Matt just smiled smugly as he headed to the stool and sat down, the Hat plopped onto his head. The Hat was taking a longer time to sort Matt, but that was fine by Edd. It was inevitable. Matt was gonna be sorted into Gryffindor, as was Tord and Tom and they'd all be happy together and that would all start when Matt's sorting is finished, when the Hat opens its mouth and it calls out Gryf-

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

...What?

The Hat was lifted from Matt's head and Matt looked more than a little shocked. He then smiled nervously and, while Edd couldn't hear him over the applause of the Hufflepuff table, he could tell what Matt and the Professor were saying via their lip movements.

"I-I'm sorry, there must be a mistake, can I have a do-over?"

"There are no do-overs, Mr. Hardwick, now go to the Hufflepuff table."

Edd proceeded to watch Matt walk to the Hufflepuff, which to add insult to injury, was at the far right of the Great Hall, opposite of the Gryffindor table.

When Edd looked at Tom and Tord, he saw that both of them were as worried as he was. They clearly knew that this was a legitimate problem.

After the next boy was sorted into Gryffindor, Edd watched as Professor Longbottom called "Larker, Tord!"

Tord nervously approached the stool, and he sat down. This time, the response was immediate.

"SLYTHERIN!"

Edd buried his face in his hands. His hope for his friends to be in the same house as him was falling apart. Tom was the only one left and Edd hoped desperately that at least he would be a Gryffindor too.

"O'Neill, Eduardo!"

To the surprise of none of the four boys, Eduardo was sorted into Slytherin, and he smugly joined the other Slytherins at the table under the snake banner. Edd just listened intently, waiting for Tom's name. After a girl named Lucy was sorted into Hufflepuff and Eduardo's friend Mark was sorted into Ravenclaw, Edd finally heard...

"Thompson, Tom!"

Tom hesitantly headed over to the stool and the Hat also looked a bit hesitant upon seeing Tom's spiky hair. Tom sat down as the Hat was placed on his head and Edd crossed his fingers. The Hat was on Tom's head for at least seven minutes before it finally reached a decision...

"RAVENCLAW!"

And with that, Edd slammed his face down onto the table as Tom reluctantly headed to the wildly cheering Ravenclaw table. At least the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables were fairly close, allowing Edd to see him somewhat more clearly and the two to potentially talk...but that didn't feel like it was enough.

Two more sortings occurred--a boy named Yuu in Gryffindor and a boy named Diwi in Hufflepuff--and then, Professor McGonagall stood up.

"Now then," she declared, "I would like to say a few words before we begin the Start of Term Feast. To the new students, I say welcome. To the returning students, I say welcome back."

McGonagall went on, but Edd couldn't focus on her speech. All he could focus on was his friends, all seated at their various houses. Edd strained his eyes to see them; Tom was sulking angrily. Tord looked uncomfortable. Matt just sat there.

He heard McGonagall finish the speech and call out "Now then, let the feast begin!"

Edd was somehow taken by surprise at the sight of food magically appearing before him. Roast beef, chicken, pork chops, lamb chops, sausages, bacon, steak, joints, steak and kidney pie, boiled potatoes, roasted potatoes, mashed potatoes, chips, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, ice cream, apple pies, pumpkin tarts and so many more foods spread out all over the tables. Edd was momentarily distracted from his sadness by the food, and promptly dug into the food. But after indulging a little bit more, Edd found himself looking at his friends again. 

Matt seemed to be enjoying himself now, stuffing his face with food pretty swiftly with a few other boys striking up conversations with him, while a girl with a large green hat sat next to him. Tom was grumbling as an older boy with unruly brown hair and another boy with an eyepatch both flanked him, the messy-haired boy yelling and whooping, the eyepatched boy trying to stop him. Tord was talking to the boy with massive eyebrows and another boy with feathery looking hair. Edd ended up wondering about the special magic he remembered they discovered not long ago. Could it still work in this scenario? Couldn't hurt to try...

Just as Edd was about to try sending some positive emotions to his friends, he suddenly got a tap on his shoulder and turned to see a boy with long brown hair and a black fedora.

"Hey there, Edd!" said the boy.

"Psycosis!?" said Edd, smiling at the sight of another old friend, "You're going to Hogwarts too?"

"Yep! Everyone was shocked!"

"How do you like it at Hogwarts?"

"So far? Not at all. Video games don't work here."

"Oh..." Edd said, feeling great sympathy for his friend, "sorry about that."

"Yeah. But I'll make figure out a way to do it soon! I'll make sure of it, if it takes all seven years!"

Edd chuckled.

"It's nice to see that another of my friends ended up in Gryffindor at least. My friends Tom, Matt and Tord ended up in different ones."

"Ouch. That sucks."

Edd nodded.

"We aren't gonna be able to hang out anymore."

"Maybe you will," said Psycosis with a smile, taking a plate of food, "I don't think people are as hostile towards interhouse friendships as they used to be."

"...There was hostility between houses?"

"You didn't know?"

"All Tom, Matt and Tord told me was that there were four houses!"

"...Whoops!"

Edd groaned and was about to grab another piece of food when suddenly a ghost popped up, one with long curly hair, a mustache and goatee and a ruff around his neck.

"Hello there!" said the ghost, "Welcome to Gryffindor!"

Edd and Psycosis both watched as the ghost floated up out of the table, soon followed by multiple other ghosts floating around through the Great Hall. At the Ravenclaw table, there was a haughty looking ghost woman with long hair; at Hufflepuff, there was a fat ghost resembling Friar Tuck; and at the Slytherin one, there was a spooky looking ghost with silvery stains of blood on his clothes.

"Hello, Sir Nicholas," said a pretty blond girl, probably about three years older than Edd, to the ghost, "how was your summer? Did you get declined for a position with the Headless Hunt again?"

"Unfortunately yes," said the ghost, apparently named Sir Nicholas.

"It may be best to quit at this rate," said the girl, smiling, "you've been trying for so long, haven't you?"

"Several thousand years, now," said the ghost, sadly, "I keep getting rejected for not being properly headless."

"Excuse me," said Edd, "what do you mean by 'properly' headless?"

Sir Nicholas promptly revealed to any new students, Edd included, that his head was hanging from a bloody neck stump by a thin sliver of flesh. Several kids yelped, the older kids laughed and Edd just stared in surprise.

\----

The feast ended and everyone felt extremely full and bloated. The prefects led the students to their House Common Rooms. Edd turned to see his friends, all being led on as well...and to add insult to injury, Edd found that all of the houses were apparently far away from each other.

Edd sighed as he followed the prefect to the Gryffindor Common Room. They arrived at the Grand Staircase and Edd took notice of the stairs moving.

"Be careful," said the female prefect, "the stairs like to change!"

"That seems like a terrible design choice!" said Edd.

"You really are new here, huh?" said the pretty blond.

They headed to the opening to the Common Room: A portrait of a Fat Lady wearing a pink silk dress.

The portrait proceeded to move. And _talk_.

"Password?" asked the Fat Lady.

"Beef women." said the prefect.

The Fat Lady smiled and her portrait moved aside like a door. Edd smiled happily; he knew that painting and drawing talking pictures was the one thing he wanted to learn most in this school.

The Gryffindor Common Room was round, cozy looking and full of large armchairs so soft they looked like they'd swallow him whole if he sat in one. On one wall there was a bulletin board, on another a banner of a lion and on yet another a moving photograph (Edd had taken to calling them "magical gifs") of a bespectacled boy with messy black hair, a tall red-haired boy and a girl with frizzy brown hair, with a plaque under it that said "The Golden Trio".

"Alright then," said the male prefect, "welcome to the Gryffindor Common Room! This is where you'll be spending a fair amount of your off time! Boy's dormitories are upstairs to your left, girls same on your right! Your belongings have already arrived there!"

"Meow!"

Everyone paused and Edd took notice of a black and grey cat slinking over from the boys' dorms.

"Ringo!" said Edd happily as the cat jumped into his arms, prompting a laugh from his fellow first years.

"Indeed," said the prefect, "this includes your pets!"

\----

Before bed, Edd sent a letter home via a tawny owl provided by the school. As he watched the owl fly off, he saw another owl flying over to his window. It perched on the window and revealed an envelope with Matt's handwriting in its beak. Edd smiled and picked up the envelope before opening it to see a letter that said:

_Dear Edd,_

_I'm so, so, so sorry I wasn't able to get myself sorted into Gryffindor with you! The Hat actually did suggest it, but said I didn't quite make the cut. We kind of bantered back and forth for a while 'cause the Hat didn't seem to know where to put me. He ended up putting me in Hufflepuff._

_The good news is, I like the Hufflepuff Common Room a lot! It's in the basements but it's nice, warm, cosy AND it's right nextdoor to the kitchens! One of the fourth years told me that apparently students sneak out for midnight snacks so much that at this rate, the House Elves just make them in advance and leave them there for students! How's your Common Room? I've heard good things about the Gryffindor Common Room!_

_The mirror you bought me is here too and it's in one piece! That was a relief, I was worried I wouldn't be able to see my face! I've already started talking with some people, including Jon; he's not so bad when Eduardo isn't around. They're all really nice, though they keep mistaking me for a Weasley. I keep telling them my hair isn't red! It's strawberry blond!_

_Anyway, I hope you're well so far and hopefully we'll have classes together soon!_

_Your friend, Matt_

Edd sighed and was about to write back when yet another owl, this time a barn owl Edd immediately recognized as the one he bought for Tom at Diagon Alley, was already perched on the window with a letter in his beak.

_Dear Edd,_

_This sucks._

_No seriously, this freaking sucks._

_I WANTED so badly to be in the same house as you guys, but the stupid Hat decides I should be in Ravenclaw with all the snobs and lunatics._

_I already HATE Ravenclaw Tower. Hate it. The location isn't bad, quite the contrary; aesthetically, the Common Room is lovely and the dorms are comfortable enough. It's the people I have to share it with that make me want to rip my hair out. There's this guy named Joe who keeps yelling things like "I'm not Sonic!" and "We gotta get Spongebob back!" I have no idea how he ended up in the "smart" house, but I'm fairly certain he was supposed to end up in Hufflepuff with Matt and the other idiots. There's also this girl named Coco who I'm positive belongs in a mental hospital. And I don't think I even have to explain how much of an asshole Mark is, do I?_

_But the absolute WORST are Bing and Larry. They're a year above us, so thankfully I won't have to deal with them for the next six years nor share a dorm with them, but GOD are they both a nightmare to be around! Bing is constantly experimenting with spells and potions and apparently, he does it all night every night, and he's so LOUD; he's always yelling and cackling like a mad man, and his spells have a tendency to explode. Just as I was writing this, I heard an explosion loud enough to shake the whole tower and then heard Bing yelling "Dammit Larry! You didn't think this one through at all!" Larry isn't so bad, but he's really snobbish and he never seems to actually do anything to stop Bing from keeping us up all night. I don't know how anyone can sleep in this tower with all that noise!_

_I wish I could've ended up in Gryffindor with you, Edd. I bet the Gryffindor dorms are nice and quiet. I would've loved to be hanging out with you, Matt...hell, even TORD would be a step up from these asshats!_

_I hope you're doing better, Edd. I'll be here attempting to go to sleep._

_Sincerely, Tom_

Edd was just about to get his quill ready for the two replies when suddenly a large eagle owl perched on the window with a letter on it. Edd rolled his eyes, immediately realizing that this must've been Tord's letter and lo and behold, it was.

_Dear Edd,_

_Believe it or not, I'm just glad I'm anywhere near you guys at all._

_If my parents had gone through with THEIR plans, I'd be in Durmstrang right now, and miles away from all of you._

_Still, this is unfamiliar territory for me. My family wanted to raise me away from prejudice based on blood purity. Now I'm potentially surrounded by it. I think after the death of Voldemort blood prejudice had become less popular in the prevailing years, but I still heard a few kids drop...certain words randomly into their sentences._

_Eduardo is here too, and I'm staying far away from him. Not that I have to try very hard. He's aware that we hate him, so he's probably not gonna try and strike up any conversations with me. Also, Paul is here. You remember? Paul from primary school, the guy with the eyebrows? Yeah, he's here! I'm kind of okay with that. He's made a friend named Patryck. They both seem to want me to be friends with them._

_Making friends with other people is kind of the point of the houses, I think, but I still want to join you guys. Even Tom. Hopefully we'll be able to hang out at some point. I'm not about to let Slytherin's reputation make our friendship dissolve._

_The common room is actually pretty cool. Very goth looking, and the best part is that we're actually underwater! Our common room is a few feet underneath the lake, so our windows give us a nice view of the underwater environment. I saw the giant squid swimming by a couple times, it's cool!_

_Goodnight, Edd, hope you'll be okay._

_Tord_

Edd sighed and, checking the window to make sure there weren't more owls coming, started writing his replies.

_Dear Matt,_

_It's fine. I didn't know how the Hat made decisions before we made our promise. I'll try to find a way for us to hang out._

_The Gryffindor Common Room is pretty good too. Very warm and red. There's also a big fireplace. It's pretty swell._

_It's nice to know that Jon isn't as bad as Eduardo. I actually learned the same about Laurel to be honest. I remember you told me about the Weasley family. Based on what you guys told me, I think you should be honored to be compared to them. We have lots of portraits of them on the walls of the common room._

_Hope you're doing okay._

_Edd_

...

_Dear Tom,_

_Sorry to hear that._

_It's too bad Matt didn't end up in your place! He could sleep through an earthquake!_

_The Gryffindor common room is pretty quiet, but the students are usually somewhat rowdy. Not nearly on the level of this Bing guy, though._

_Tord feels the same way. He is kind of happy that he came to Hogwarts at all, though, not being in Durmstrang like his family wanted him to be._

_Goodnight, hope you can get some sleep._

_Edd_

...

_Dear Tord,_

_I'm glad there's some silver lining here! It'll be fun to have classes with you._

_I remember Paul, yes! He's got the best eyebrows! I'm not against you making new friends, Tord. I've met an old friend, in fact, Psycosis, remember him? We thought he was a muggle too, just like we thought about me!_

_Wow, that sounds cool! It's almost like you have your own aquarium! When you guys told me about the giant squid, I was hoping I'd get to see it on the boat, but I didn't. It was disappointing :(_

_Goodnight, Tord. I hope to see you soon._

_Edd_

Edd sighed as he put the letters in the envelopes before giving each of them to the owls, who flew off in different directions.

"You sending letters to distant friends, Edd?" asked a voice that sounded similar to Tom's. Edd turned to see a boy with blond hair spiked into pointed, protrusions resembling either horns or cat ears.

"I was sending one to my friend Lucy," Ben went on, "she got into Hufflepuff!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Name's Ben Dexter, by the way. I'm a filmmaker!"

"You are, huh?"

"Yep! Or at least I will be! I brought an old-fashioned camera with me so it won't be messed up by Hogwarts' magic! Lucy and I are both muggleborn, so we're not super experienced with this stuff."

"So am I!" said Edd, smiling, "My friend Psycosis is too."

"Really? Small world! My parents were really proud when my sister and I showed our magic!"

"Is Lucy your sister?"

Ben shook his head.

"My sister Kate is too young to attend Hogwarts! But she's magic, don't get me wrong! Mum and dad say that this power was granted to us by our lord and savior!"

"Jesus Christ?"

"No, Satan!"

Edd stared in surprise before adding "Um...okay...."

"Lucy's my best friend and I wanted to tell her that I'm settled! Maybe we'll make movies while we're here!"

Edd smiled.

"You're not worried what others will think?"

"Nope! Never have been! I wore a polka-dotted dress on my first day of preschool!"

Edd chuckled. Ben stood up and yawned before saying "Welp, I'm gonna hit the hay! G'night Edd! Hope to talk to you again tomorrow!"

Edd headed to his own bed and said "Goodnight Ben."

As Edd lay down in the four poster bed, he let Ringo lay on his belly and scratched the back of her ears.

"Hopefully we'll get to hang out with our friends again, Ringo," said Edd sadly, "hopefully..."

Edd then rolled over on his side, prompting Ringo to jump down and curl up on a small cat bed next to Edd's own bed, and both of them fell asleep.


End file.
